Secret Female Ninja School in Iran

Forget what the mainstream media will tell you about national security. In reality, the realest of real threats against our nation is a secret army of female ninja assassins currently being trained in Iran. In case you aren’t sure of what you just read, allow me to reiterate the sobering truth: Iran is in possession of secret, all-women ninja army technology. Why are we still worried about nuclear weapons?

Ninja master Akbar Faraji is in charge of the school in Tehran where the female ninjas receive their training. When asked about the purpose of the training program, Faraji said, “We train women to have strength and ability. We have to do everything in our power to protect our homeland.”

Is it time for America to produce its own elite ninja woman army? There are an estimated 3,500 women in Iran’s ninja corps. Are we prepared to deal with the very real dangers our enemies threaten us with? Obviously, the answer is a resounding “no.” So please, write to your congressman and make sure they are informed about this critical issue.

Making Umbrellas Manly

From NBC's new show Free Agents.

The Coilgun Makes the Rubber-Band Gun Look Like a Kid's Toy

Yesterday we introduced you to the rubber-band machine gun of your slightly disturbed dreams. Today, we've got a 1.25 kilojoule coilgun, a homemade electromagnetic pulse accelerator that makes the rubber-band machine gun look like a tiny, shiny peashooter.

The video below explains (in worrying detail) exactly how it works. In layman's terms, it acts as a battery-powered rifle that uses a series of electromagnetized coils to propel bullets at alarming speeds.

The weapon was made over two years by the bizarrely nicknamed "Larsplatoon." Though this is an incredible technical accomplishment, it does tread a very thin line between "Good God, that is awesome" and "If he gets too good at this, I'm going to get a bit worried."

The demonstration of the fearsome microwave-destroying machine kicks off at the 2:50 mark in the video below, at which point your nerdgasms should be coming on thick and fast. Oh, and just in case it wasn't patently obvious: Please, please, please, don't try this at home. To be honest, we're not sure Larsplatoon should be trying this at its home either.

Meet the Rubber-Band Machine Gun of Your Slightly Disturbed Dreams

Here's video footage of a rubber band-firing Gatling gun that's so utterly ridiculous and awesome, you'll be squealing in delight as soon as you see it in action.

It can fire 100 bands at full capacity, comes with a specially designed tripod to maintain accuracy and stability and is fitted with a mini Mag light so you can see what the hell you're firing at. (If you're firing hundreds of rubber bands in the dark, that is.)

Also, it's made of aluminum and has eight flippin' barrels to blast those rubbery bastards all over the place. It weighs in at 15 to 20 pounds and is definitely not -- and we can't emphasize this enough -- a kid's toy.

It'll set you back $500 and take two weeks (at least) to get to you, as it's a custom-built model. Still, that's well worth the havoc you'll be wreaking at your next Monday morning meeting.